Looking at Mental Health through poetry -a deeper look into human vision and human judgement

Perfection is a beast

‘Perfection, just a misnomer,

 there is no place for it,

nor does it exist,

enemy of good,

a beast whipping your forehead,

as cold as ice is.

And achieving perfection,

as an ends rather than a means,

must be an impersonal venture,

for people will always stand in the way;

an affliction to cause all trouble, worry and doubt,

so that you can share nothing with anyone,

for risk of losing what you have built.

How to handle perfectionism

To grow tolerance of people, the first glaringly obvious truth that needs to be understood is that we all really are far from perfect. To be able to relax and perform better, we need to lose our fear of making mistakes and above all our fear of punishment or embarrassment for making mistakes. To understand a point of view, we can't disregard it based upon the fact it has parts which do not sit well with us; we have to look beyond our prejudices.

Perfection is narcissistic in a way, as beauty always lies in the eye of the beholder, and if you are overly obsessed at achieving what is beautiful just to you, you may inadvertently starve everyone else of what is theirs. That's why making compromises where no-one gets just what they want usually is essential to actual happiness and meaning; if you deny or are denied by someone for petty perfectionist reasons, both parties usually lose out.

However, its not wise to just critique perfectionism, since a part of us needs to know exactly what we like and want - what makes us tick, and not actively avoid achieving our goals out of fear our lives will be too great. In a sense subjectively, beauty is perfect- However seeking it is a sadistic occupation in my view, it either comes naturally or just isn't meant to be there, which instead shapes us by providing melancholy, since we appreciate most what we love, what we know exists, but what we do not have.

People typically are perfectionist when it comes to work. On the one hand this makes us most blind to how other people can help us with our work, but equally explains why we can help people most with theirs. Science and personal experience dictate that we really do know our emotions and mental stability the best, though others often think they know us better, and the more others try to force their feelings of us down our throat, the worse life gets, in relation to our feelings. However, there is a reason we live in a world inevitably being misunderstood and that is because whilst experts of ourselves and own emotions, we are still far from perfect and bound to annoy others.

Misgiving

'Take care with the statements you make,

and the stance you take,

think it through,

for your steel and hardness,

will feel like chains and darkness,

whilst your softness and kindness,

may be exploited and taken for granted.

And the more words you say,

the more you'll pay,

as the more likely you'll get your way'.

Certainty and pride often go hand-in-hand in wrecking lives. Though I find it mind-numbing to act like we can't be intuitive, helpful or poignant when we make cutting statements or take strong stances, there is an element of truth that we project often what we do not see in our ways of life. It's bearing this in mind, that we should take care or we might land flat-on-our faces, or get exactly what we don't want based on our own hypocrisy or naivety. When in groups we become even more certain of ourselves yet false, as the effects of peer pressure and emotional contagion catch us - it's at these time we might say things we regret in hindsight when we're alone.

The big problem right now is people crystalise too much, that is form opinions that seem smart but really are limiting because they refuse to be full (taking a small point from a much larger context and then out of context). We are afraid to say we don't know based on this need to be right and be confident, so we come up with some rubbish rationalisation to explain away nature's contradictory lessons. The habit of crystalising is most shown in labels.

The 'I am' is really a question, and it is one which is never fully answerable and yet one which we are always carrying an answer to. But a label just provides an answer which is set in stone. It's 90% of the time nonsense which appeases us, because we like to be certain, or we like to be superior or inferior.

The tongue is mighty powerful, and so take care with it. People conform to expectation. Call a person intelligent and they have shown to do better at school. Tell a person they've been given a wonder drug, miraculously they recover from an illness when it was just a placebo. On the other hand, negative labels (and the majority are) stick. They are essentially lazy attempts to explain away personality and life.

A deeper look into fighting the guilt trap – how self-confirmation bias and luck is pivotal

'Top heavy and lacking energy,

Your body pierced and aching in lethargy,

A wise friend gone mad,

Nagging, knawing and knowing,

Work it out…

Without large doubts,

What’s pushing you down,

And making you head bow,

Tempting as it may be,

To be a lay-about.

Your heart will prevent apathy,

As your head groans and doubts.

Your heart can relate,

Because aches when respected,

Helps your balance, not aims,

Yourself knows this is suffice.´

Gentleness heals all,

tears are its friend,

guilt whips, freezes and roughly repeats,

but knows no answers.

What is genuine just lets us free.

Guilt is both a savior and a killer. So often people are made to feel guilty for doing the right things, for all sorts of the reason, but at the same time a person who refuses to feel guilt, who refuses to say sorry, is by far the hardest to forgive. Feeling guilt is tied with empathy, feeling remorse with compassion.

When being judged it probably should be reassuring to know that science and modern psychological studies typically show that whilst others can tell what you are good at, they fail dramatically at telling who you are and how you really feel. It's common sense too.

The answer appears that you should listen to others when it comes to work, but less so feelings. And so often guilt comes from the outside not the inside, and it usually isn't good, but is unavoidable to an extent. We're social beings and tend to be only healthy and certainly happy when connected with others. Overall though its key to be your own judge.

The mammoth issue is that luck shapes our fate far more than we would like to permit. It's always tempting to take full responsibility not just for how we act but also for how others act around us, or no responsibility at all - depending on whether the situation flatters or embarrasses us. This is usually the guilt trap, which is a two-sided coin - not enough, or too much guilt both weakens and destroys.

One example of destructive external guilt could be based on looks, sexuality or being poor, which in all honesty is usually a travesty. Looks do depend on life-style and diet, but just to an extent; likewise, it's hard to imagine a person choosing their sexuality to displease themselves, so why judge? Most economists know that the economist system isn't meritocratic and is mostly based on inheritance and luck (even at work), and therefore being made to feel guilty for not being as successful as other's expect is rarely fair.

Culture is a hypocrit. It became fashionable to state 'Men don't cry, only boys do' or worse 'boys don't cry, only girls do' but before in Roman times, men were applauded when they were seen crying. The colour pink is now seen as feminine, but in the past it was widely considered neutral or even masculine. In fact, only after the Second World War was pink ever considered primarily feminine. The point is that people are judged for their so called 'masculinity' or 'femininity' these days, and that is a source of guilt, but the way people are judged can be considered fickle with perspective.

The legal system is a tragedy nowadays. Lawyers will not represent well people suffering from giant injustices but will be all too happy to defend wealthy clients who know full well they are taking advantage of others. And so the emotion of guilt is neglected and people are encouraged to turn it into pure ugliness, be it as victims or financial bullies. When the legal system starts to improve, so that it matters less what class background you are from than the act being judged, then there might be a sense of decency returned to the emotion guilt. At the moment, the legal-system generally creates distrust in humanity, but it equally is the platform that could be most powerful and help create trust. An example of it going so wrong was, was sending Julian Assange to prison for over five years and persecuting him legally for years.

Guilt is a powerful motivator, but also used inversely a lot to stop people from being happy, much like our best friend telling the hard truths and our worst enemy, telling us the worst lies. Typically guilt get rotten when a person's feelings are consigned to 'boring' even when they are decent. Whilst people do this usually as a defense mechanism when another person's feelings make them uncomfortable (so they must be inferior and boring), it is such a nasty, cheap and common way that people can belittle other's feelings.

  Yet whilst people learn to not trust others as others get their intentions, feelings and mental-health so wrong, the sad truth is trusting yourself too much will equally lead to problems, perhaps even disasters when someone only learns to trust themself. We should just know to take personal judgement with a pinch of salt in most cases, but equally that trust is indispensable and to judge fairness you need to be able to feel what guilt is.

Leadership

For people with no mission,

soon are lumbered with seven,

for they race ahead as others scratch their head,

and feel shame when others angrily beat their chest.

Or they depend on others,

whose ambition exceeds their grasp,

and force them to be beggars,

should they refuse to take part.

And when crisis hits,

they are the ones

best put in charge

for what they wanted

surely was most right.

Freedom and time,

not madness and triumph,

nor status and compliance.

Life is not really a mission, but missions make life. This is something many knew as kids, when they were most free and open-minded, not overly trapped by trauma, or chasing an ambitious goal, nor lost in their personal pains or needing much glory.

Kids mostly just go with the flow. They get hurt, they cry and get attention, and then they are off again, playing, enjoying freedom and time, falling over again. They above all play. They're not deadset on being rich, getting lots of girlfriends or having a perfect family. They do not worry about chasing promotions or proving themselves as authority figures. Kids go with the flow, and it is the adults who keep this inner-peace, flexibility and calmness that most kids naturally possess, that I argue make the best leaders.

After-all, these adults are the ones not over-thinking about their status, their successes or their power. They just most appreciate freedom and time, like good kids do naturally when left alone. The irony of life is, we need to take care of such adult individuals who protect this freedom to not chase goals, as they are so often then asked to be the leaders of several movements/ forces at once precisely because of their flexibility and energy. Fortunately, the non-ambitious ones are still as capable as the most ambitious. Or as  Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, says, “the X-factor of great leadership is not personality; it is humility.”

Circular vision

So you´re going round in circles,

And people laugh,

Thinking you’re daft,

But it’s simply just straight-forward

To take you’re first step better assured

knowing you‘ve chosen the holistic path

Consider all the angles to your stance,

The depths of your conflicting thoughts,

Driving you to question what future,

on your horizon, will come to pass.

Whilst a few people always get ahead

By ambition, chance or lucky precision,

With understanding you will find

exactly what's worth the most time.

Take your time in life and think big, not just day to day. Everything is curved and nothing is as straight as it seems. Normally we are motivated by deep paradoxes- there's always a drive to something and equally to not do something else, to go somewhere in the future and equally from somewhere in the past, but sometimes they conflict. We have to be able to go round in circles, not perfect ones necessarily - you don't have to be that even, but certainly its best to consider seriously where we want to go based on both needs and wants, which means nothing is really that straight-forward. The final poem will expand on this theme, one by William Yates, not this blog author.

The taboo of bitterness and depression

There are days where,

I feel like a dead end instrument.

No matter how i play, what path i take,

My smile hurts,

and I move not with actions and results,

but with shocks and jolts.

I eat and no longer sit up,

The present groans,

as the future fragments from within.

I find out at least whats good doesn't rot,

it more disappears,

as if sand dropped in a sand-dune.

I sense the world,

It’s the hardest of times,

The ones who were meant to help,

cannot help but provoke

their toxic scars,

an obituary to the past.

The hurt needs it's place,

though I urge it to fade.

It’s the security blanket,

the reality and last remains,

smothering lies

I cannot take.

It must be our conditioning.

Take it personal, just not too far.

Those that couldn't stay pure stay as blocks.

There is no flow in trying to connect,

when it’s safer at least in distance,

What burns is sweet,

What breaks is sensitive,

What's tasted sweetness fights to endure.

And that's when the noise comes,

And hope is put to test

solace is other’s music,

or silence and suspension.

Mine’s now a dead end,

taking loss, fighting to endure,

one day I'll make more again.

Interestingly I wrote into google ‘philosophers take on bitterness’ - nothing came up on the topic, purely various articles philosophising on anger. It’s Taboo. I’m stating the obvious that this is wrong, particularly as we're living in a time of massive repression and over-bearing masculinity.

Bitterness is as universally common and necessary as anger. There’s no such person who can be considered as purely a winner or loser, life is full of battles. No matter how good you are at something you´ll still find people likely as good, especially if you don't work hard; whilst, the harder you work at something you're good at, the greater the pride you have over it and the more at stake if you mess up, or someone puts a different angle and shows how you lost time over it. And then there is the fact - luck plays such a part in life, nothings really a fair game, its impossible to control, people cheat or sabotage, and losing hurts twice as hard as winning. And optimistic people probably lose more to get more wins, having the extra determination but the more setbacks.

Bittersweetness is just about communicable. No longer taboo. But speaking of bitterness, it’s the elephant, like it’s something wrong - in fact, it might be confused for an angry temperament. It wouldn’t surprise me if those that mask their bitterness are exactly the ones who are so likely to insecurely brand an openly bitter person as a sore loser or resentful. But you can’t get justice if you can’t be bitter. You can’t grieve properly either.

Anger is the focus. Yet, bitterness may be the secret real killer, not anger, precisely because it is secret, because it is so unexplored by experts and uncared for in society, laughed at. The trauma that we face when we are defeated or face setbacks but yet survive to tell the tale is generally bitterness. Respect this great pain which no doubt is part of an empathetic natural arsenal of emotional reactions.

After-all in a way, somewhat counter-intuitively, by making people less bitter, do soft people become more prone to not care about life? Is the capacity for bitterness linked with that for caring? Why are seemingly sweet, happy people sometimes so surprisingly suicidal when small things happen to them, and so brittle. There’s a saying, no one likes the truth. Take that at face value, would a person’s ability to take uncomfortable truth depend directly on their ability to accept bitter feelings? There’s also proof in nature, a tree needs wind to go strong.

The truth requires us to be bitterly strong in hard times and by neglecting your bitterness and the bitterness in others, you are likely just creating more often. Therefore, prepare yourself for bitterness and know the world is bitter. Go for righteousness but know what is the real goal - the real goal is to eliminate some bitterness so you have space to feel other things.

Accepting the world is bitter may make you a more sympathetic person, depending if you can stay strong, or at the very least just smarter, realistic and melancholy. Not doing so, the opposite. Moreover, it might be the real answer to jealousy as its significantly harder to be jealous of a bitter person.

The Price of Freedom

'The choice 

The intellect of man is forced to choose

perfection of the life, or of the work,

And if it take the second must refuse

A heavenly mansion, raging in the dark.

When all that story's finished, what's the news?

In luck or out the toil has left its mark:

That old perplexity an empty purse,

Or the day's vanity, the night's remorse.'

- William Butler Yeats

This poem is not mine, but it is great. The choice is centred on arguably the greatest question humans have to face, once given the chance of economic freedom, whether to focus on perfecting the work or the life. I firmly believe it is not impossible to achieve a balance of both, but realistically you have to at times choose one of the either, so the poem isn't overly simplistic. Perhaps, even if you're principal goal in life is to ambitiously have both cakes and try to heroically eat them, you will find life doesn't let you, as it goes in fluxes, and therefore you have to make the difficult choice. That is actually less of a perhaps, and more of a certainty in my eyes.

So for me, the poem centres around the concept of opportunity cost; it is the chance to create, at the cost of to enjoy; it is the chance to express at the cost of an ability to relax; it is the chance to bullishly perfect, at the cost of not receiving life's freest and potentially greatest gifts to you, found from going with the flow.

I believe this is not a spiritually a Lucie vs Alleluia debate, though arguably Yeats is addressing some chapter in the bible. It's more simple really. Yeat's isn't being cynical of the heavenly mansion, leaving the individual feeling creatively frustrated, for creativity creates karma and raging in the dark. He's being plainly honest about it, what does perfection of life entail? It entails knowing yourself, and your wants and needs - that is, it entails dedication to vanity. It entails often losing the ability to make a mark on the world through a career, losing the chance to be your artist, for vanity's sake - for comfort and showmanship - which is worthy of remorse.

Yet equally, Yeats isn't glorifying the dedication to work. He is this time, I feel politely, cynical of it - conceding how much luck plays it role, and how work takes a toll even if you are lucky, not to mention the austerity. Yeats even goes as far as to state, if you pick the work, when all that's story finished - what's the news? In other words, Yeat's is touching on the price of freedom on a personally level, in the lightest, most allegory way possible.

As a result of of all the modern conveniences we have now, perfecting the life is arguably easier for everyone, but given we are all intertwined we have to either build a new system and society for this reality, or we are all going to be worse off as a result, given the work is debatebly more important now than ever, as people priorities it less and less, opting for comforts instead and given technology is changing society faster than ever and can obviously go so wrong.